"Wake and Bake" coffee?

Happy April Fool's day!
Brian Martell
April 01, 2019
By Brian Martell
Over the last two decades, the Coffee Coordination Board (CCB) of Vietnam has been working on developing higher-value production which would bring better prices to farmers in the coffee growing regions, and created a cannabis and coffee bean hybrid. 

Capitalizing on the growing de-criminalization, if not outright legalization, of cannabis in Western countries; the focus of the CCB’s Scientific Research Organization has shifted to creating a hybrid plant from one of Vietnam’s “other cash crops” – marijuana. Combining agro-science, marketing, and legal experts into one team, the CCB will be ready to launch their new “ultra-value-added” coffee to the world within a couple of years, coinciding with even more jurisdictions accepting cannabis as a legitimate drug.

“Getting the science right was no mean feat”, admitted Nguyen Xuan Cuong, the minister of Agriculture and Rural Development. “We needed to introduce THC genetically into the beans of Coffea Canephora, the variety of coffee tree that grows the best in Vietnam.  This coupled with the fact that Vietnamese coffee has about twice the caffeine of Arabica coffees makes for an unusual combination of neuroactive stimulants.  “Preliminary laboratory testing of the new coffee hybrid, “Coffea Sativa” show rates of THC comparable with recreational marijuana” noted Cuong.  What was most revealing was the clinical testing that can only be described as very alert but equally relaxed subjects. 

In some American States, Canada, South & Central America, many places in Europe and more countries in Asia allowing the use of marijuana or about to; the idea of combining coffee with cannabis has already taken hold.  This usually comes in the form of regular coffee mixed with cannabis oil. Marketers have taken this combination and given it the moniker “Wake & Bake”.  These coffees retail for significantly more than traditional coffees leading the Vietnamese to believe their new genetically modified coffee hybrid can easily be marketed and sold for a significant premium, eclipsing those of premium gourmet Arabica coffees and yet being much more economical than mixing cannabis and coffee.

The CCB’s efforts have mostly been in trying to shift cultivation away from Robusta to higher priced Arabica coffee, with little success.  The terrain, climate and culture have favoured growing the lesser expensive Robusta.  Arabica, harder to cultivate and also fetching a higher price on world markets, makes up only 3 per cent of the Vietnamese coffee harvest. 

There is, of course, concern on what effect this type of coffee may have on worldwide productivity. Many people consume coffee at work, or driving, which could compromise public safety if they unwittingly consume this new hybrid.  The legal team on the CCB assure sceptics that every reasonable measure will be taken to control the cultivation, distribution, processing and marketing of the new product to avoid the decidedly adult beverage from finding its way into the hands of minors or abstainers.

April fool! To date, there is no existing coffee bean and cannabis hybrid.  

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